This is a piece of writing about my baby cousin's birthday. I wrote it because we had been looking at recounts in class. This is my final copy after editing and redrafting.
“C’MON!!!!”I was getting ready for my church event, but i wanted to go to my baby cousin’s birthday. While I was getting ready, I zoomed into the living room and suddenly the phone rang. It was my Auntie. She called because she invited us to go to Genghis Khan. My mum was confused because we had to go to church. But then my sister said that we could only celebrate my little baby cousin’s birthday once and that there is no time machine to just go back and forth in life. So right after she said that, we all decided to go Genghis Khan.
As we arrived at Genghis Khan, we got out off the car and saw them waving at us, so we waved backed to them. They said that they were waiting for us so that we could start by singing Happy Birthday. While we were singing the happy birthday song to my baby cousin, she tried to escaped out of my mum’s hands because all she wanted to do is run around the whole place screaming!
After that we ate meat ,fries, and all kinds of yummy and delicious food. I ordered pancakes with chocolate ice cream, chocolate syrup ,and nuts for dessert. I could smell the strong scent of the delicious pancakes. When I finished the whole entire stack of pancakes I ordered, my stomach was stuffed.
The place was about to close and we had to go home. I really wanted to stay behind… because of the pancakes. My favourite part was that we could celebrate and have fun with my little, cute baby cousin.
Thanks for reading my work, I'd really like your feedback.
Hi Mei. How are you? I really like your story. Just to help you with your writing, why can't you put more adjectives, interesting words and remember when you type I it should be capital letter.
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